Ok, leave dates are in finally. I've been told I'll have my leave starting the 14th of this month. Not holding my breath for that not to change at some point, but that's what I'm planning for. I'm really sorry I won't get to see everyone, but there's a limited amount of time and my first priority is obviously to my patient, loving wife and sons. Speaking of sons, Lucas James is now a healthy growing boy of what... over a month now. I can't tell you how agonizing it has been to first of all find out he was born more than 24 hours after the fact, and now to know he's growing and getting cuter without having ever seen him. I still feel a very strong connection with him, even having never met him, but I lack the intimacy that will only come with changing his diapers :-). It is certainly WAY harder to know that I'm missing a ton of Isaac's firsts. Steps, words, problem solving, jokes, self knowledge, self will... the list goes on. I mean he started walking 1 measly week after I left for trainup... how's that for bad timing. At least I have the one comfort of knowing that I managed to completely convince Lucas' mom that he was a girl and so when he was born she was understandably shocked to see a boy. I think a lot of wives would have been upset at that, but not mine. Of course I knew she wouldn't be, otherwise I wouldn't have done it. At any rate, now she knows that when she tells me she wants to be surprised she'd better really mean it.
If anyone wants me to get a silk or wool rug, just let me know, they have some really beautiful rugs of all different sizes and I can get really good deals. Or if there's anything else you think I could get over here that you have a hankering for, I'll do my best to find it for you.
I miss all of you in a very bad way, honestly I try to not think of any of you at all because it makes it so much harder for me to remain calm. I'm really not ignoring you guys, I'm just trying to survive this ridiculous deployment without going crazy. It's like I was discussing with a bunch of guys the other day, this is a deployment that it is impossible to be proud of in any way. Oh well, they can't all be winners. The only upside is that no one from my unit has died or been injured from anything enemy related. Honestly, the safety aspect means a lot more to Bonnie than it does to me... but I suppose that is good enough.

On being home

I have to say, it makes everything seem a bit more surreal to be waiting every moment for word that your child was born halfway around the world. I remember how much fun Isaac had torturing us with his many false alarms as we waited in the days following his proper due date. At night I sleep fitfully and wake up early because in my subconscious I am expecting to be awoken by the unmistakable sound of someone trying to reach you through skype. Those of you who are skype users know what I'm talking about. And when I am traveling down Tampa in the back of a MRAP or Cayman or RG33, I keep remembering with a start that I could be getting a BFT message at any time from Company. (BFT = Blue Force Tracker, basically a computer in each truck that communicates position and can send and recieve texts among the trucks or back to headquarters.) So, I must simply wait on tenterhooks for the inevitable message. Does anyone actually know what a tenterhook is without looking it up? I looked it up, it's actually fairly anti-climactic, although it makes sense. Anyway, with Isaac, I was with Bonnie pretty much the whole way through her labor and a lot before it, so I could help her out and make sure she was taken care of. This time I'm not, and even though I know she has a family who will take care of her, I'm still not there, and knowing how much she hates to put anyone out ever I just imagine her at the end of her rope and with no help. I know it's not true though, so I'll just stop worrying right.......now.
Ok, for real this time, I'm really going to stop.
As for any other topic..... well, it's down right cold now. I had to dig around for all the cold weather gear I didn't think I'd ever use. I am DEFINATELY using it now. It sometimes gets down into the 30s at night!
Wait a minute, these posts are always too long anyway, so I'm going to break the habit here and now.
P.S. Quite a few of you have sent me letters and even packages, and I just want you to know that it means a LOT to me! Thank you so much, I love to be reminded of home. I do have to say though that none of you can put a package together like Bonnie, sorry, and it's not just because she's my wife, she's really good at it... or maybe it's just that she has come to know me pretty well... I don't know. Anyway, I've already responded to most of you, but it always seems like there are a few that I still have to do. I just want you all to know how much I appreciate your thougts. :-)
Ok, NOW I'm going to break the habit.
P.P.S. No I'm joking, seriously how weak willed do you think I am?

I finally got to see what rain looks like in Iraq. Well, sort of. A couple nights ago I went outside and I couldn't believe how much lightning was flashing all over the place. It wasn't the normal kind because there was mostly no noise. Once in a while there'd be a little rumble, but it was pretty much just flashes and jags by the second, all over the sky. It was pretty entertaining... I popped some popcorn in my microwave and went out to watch it. It had been overcast all day... by which I mean some really high, whispy (yes, that's how I want you to pronounce it) clouds that did a reasonable job of blocking a tiny bit of the the sunlight. It wasn't even a distant cousin to an Oregon cloud cover, in fact if the two got together, I'm sure they could sire some completely new type of cloud formations. So, after the lightning got done, the rain came on stage... if I remember right, there were about 9 drops in all. I have always heard that if you get caught in the rain in Iraq you don't so much get rained on as you are subjected to a waterboarding. I suppose this country must have some intelligence that it needs to gather from unsuspecting travelers. In the end, however, the result was the general and pervasive odor of a barn. It was a bit of a shock, after the couple of drops that found their way down by my room were fallen, I went back out and was immediately transported back to the huge building full of ducks that I spent tedious hours in as a young Amish man. I am still mystified as to why getting the ground damp would make it smell like that, it's not like there are animals around here. Anyway, it didn't rain much this time, and it's a clear sky again. I suppose it was just trying to taunt us with a taste of the torture to come. People who have been here since the last rainy season say that when it does start to rain (day and night for a week) everything will turn into gummy mud and there will no place be sacred from it. Yippy, I can't wait (read sarcastically with downward inflection in voice).

Life continues as normal here. The temperature has continued to drop, as long as I'm not doing something energetic I rarely sweat during the day anymore, and in the low 70s, the nights are becoming downright nippy. During the above mentioned rain night, the wind got to blustering around quite a bit, and I was shivering openly while outside in my pt shorts and shirt. I looked at the thermometer and it said 74 (brrrr!)

The other day we got a surprise visit from a couple of explosive projectiles here at Adder... there were a couple really loud bangs, but as usual, no one got hurt. And, as usual, I had a good laugh within myself about how even with this one simple task of blowing up infidels, the neighbors just can't seem to get it right. I'll tell you what, forget about the big coalition army that's occupying this place, if I were the insurgents, I'd give up out of embarrassment... but that's just me.

On another note... I am now studying to join the Catholic church. I know there are some of you out there who will be saddened by that, and I feel the impulse to justify it here, but I will resist. Someday hopefully there will be more humility in the church as it applies to all Christians, and people won't be so quick to discount how another Christian (and I use that name in it's intended meaning) interprets and applies the principals of faith. There are really only two things by which people can see we are serious about our faith: 1. they watch us die for it, or 2. they see charity lived in all our life (once again, the intended meaning). Neither is natural, so the moral of the story is that we have to rely on God to be in us what we can't possibly be. THAT is who I want to fellowship with, not Catholic, not Protestant, not Nondenominational (notice the usage of a proper noun). Ok, enough soapbox for me.

Speaking of which... have you ever tried to stand on a Tide detergent box while championing an issue that's important to you, ? It turns out that it's not as empowering as we're led to believe.

I do now call to mind my sins and ask your forgiveness in my omission. Did you know I am currently living with a couple miles of Abraham's birthplace? You can see the Ziggurat Ur from this base. I believe that is the temple associated with the moon goddess in the town of Ur. The people around here say it is one of the oldest buildings in the world. Also I know that near here is an arch which is the oldest in the world. For such a desolate and dead place there is certainly a lot of history here. Also, yes, there is still a town here called Ur, and they believe the remains of Abraham's house still exist although it is only a foundation. I can't believe it took me this long to blog that.

In other matters... I would say in lighter matters, but having a disability is no laughing matter. Anyway, it is finally official that my poor memory is in fact a disability. Last night I walked over to the area where our new medic is staying in order to straighten some matter up. As I went about the task of making the corrections I was there to make, it came to my attention that I was instructing the wrong person. It wouldn't be so embaressing if not for the fact that I knew both individuals involved. I'm really starting to wonder if I actually have a physiological pathology because it is commonplace for me to forget names and words while I am speaking. I actually find I am much more comfortable with writing. Forgetting names is one thing, but speaking to a friend about another friend and forgetting both above mentioned friends names in mid sentence as well as the adjective you were trying to use can be very disconcerting. I am truly ignorant as to whether this condition exists among any of my reading audience? Truly among any of my acquaintences at all. I read that it can be a symptom of an underactive thyroid, but isn't that also associated with weight gain? On a final note: my wife was not sympathetic at all to my plight. Once I told her about my embaressment she flew into gales of laughter that forced her to pull off the road lest she lose control of the vehicle. It was some time before she was capable of coherent speech. When she said she was intending to tell her family about it (by which I am sure everyone she knows is implied) I told her I wasn't worried, that she would try, probably several times, but I could rest confident that the few short words people were able to understand between the renewed merriment would not be sufficient to pick up the gist of the story, much less the subject. All this to say that if Bonnie calls you and is rendered catatonic by her mirth after only about 2 or 3 words you won't have the anxiety of trying to figure out what she's talking about.

Good day.

The weather here has cooled off quite a bit. Bonnie sent me a outdoor thermometer, so I look at the temp when I go outside. Of around 11pm it's usually down to the 90s, and often in the early morning it's in the high 80s. As strange as it may seem, that makes me shiver and gives me goosebumps. Why do they call them goosebumps anyway? Why make a refrence to a dead, plucked bird when speaking of someone's skin? I can't help but wonder what kind of morbid person coined that phrase, and what was everyone else thinking that went along with it? I would make a stand for simple decency in the matter, but it seems that the laws of the TULIP are in place and it is simply manifest destiny by this point. Anyway, some mornings when I go out to this little covered area to see if anyone shows up with ailments for "sickcall" it almost feels like a fall day. Maybe it has to do with the air being just a bit clearer of dust, but that doesn't make sense cause there's a crisp breeze blowing usually. I don't know, at least it's a bit more pleasant. A few day ago we took a convoy way up north, and I was amazed at the nice weather. We finally figured out that it was a bit more humid, not enough to make it miserable, but enough to give the air that touch of moisture that we so take for granted on the West Coast. I remember when I used to farm in TN and the weather started to get nice after a long winter I would get this exhilerating feeling that I needed to get outside and start working. They call it spring fever, and I think everyone experiences it, but when you farm you experience it on a whole new level that you didn't know existed before. I kind of got that feeling when I was up there. Speaking of that trip... while we were there the camp got hit by two 170mm rockets. Believe it or not it was exciting. Every bit of action I have heard of or seen over here of the "bad guys" trying to hurt us has only made me realize just how inept they are at their job. It's almost laughable how bad they are at actually wounding soldiers. I imagine that if I ever end up in some sort of firefight where I am treating wounded soldiers I will probably need to dig through my assault pack for an extra pair of underwear, but, as it stands when these things happen it just gives me a thrill. Don't ask me to explain it if you don't understand, cause I would have to think about it for a long time and I don't really care to use my time like that right now. Anyway, the end of the story is that because we were there we all get CABs (combat action badge)... I'm not sure what good that does me other than tell whoever cares that I was either in combat action while I was here or someone wrote up some paperwork that made it look like I was. If I ever have to treat someone medically during something like that I'll be able to get a CFMB (combat something medic badge). That would be cool (I really don't like that word, but I'm using it anyway), it would give me a lot of points if I ever wanted to get on somewhere as a paramedic.

About the most serious thing that has happened to anyone from this company was someone got their head a little squished in a door a few days ago. The MRAP doors weigh around 500lbs and since they are so heavy they have air pressure that opens and closes them. The door closes and opens when you pull or push the handle respectively, and as soon as the pressure is off the handle it is supposed to stop the door. This particular MRAP door malfunctioned in such a way that while the door was open he grabed the handle and after he let go the door continued to close so slowly that he didn't notice. He was mounting something just above the door and once it closed enough for him to feel it he was pinned. Fortunately he was able to find the handle and push it open before anything serious happened. He did go to the hospital to get stiches for his split ear, but other than a bit of a headache he seems to be healing just fine.

I've been doing so many night missions, where we leave around 7pm or so and drive all night, that I have taken to sleeping during the day even while I'm not on a mission. It's not working out all that well because I have some responsibilities here as the companies senior medic that must be dispensed with during daylight hours, usually in the morning. The result is often going to sleep at 5am and waking up at 8am and having a few hours of sleep when I get back from whatever I'm doing usually between 11am and 1pm.

I'm a little bit surprised that I haven't gotten sick yet. A lot of people have gotten the flu and/or stomach problems steming from new microbes in the food and air over here. Speaking of flu, I have to get ready to vaccinate this whole company with the newest flu vaccine. I really don't like doing it because I don't usually get sick unless I get the shot. But it's not my choice, so somehow I have to figure out how to vaccinate the whole company within a really short time period. They will give us the supplies in a couple weeks probably including coolers and all the rest to keep the virus in, and with four different convoy security platforms going all the time and everyone else doing their jobs I think it may be a bit difficult to make this happen. But what fun would the job be if there were never difficulties to surmount?

For those of you who have written me and I have yet to send a letter in response, I'm sorry. I honestly do feel bad and I promise I will write... no more excuses from me. Don't let it deter you from writing again? :-)

Another great mission!

I thought this was a pretty cool picture, but you can really see in my eyes how tired I am. You can see the sun just beside my head. Oh, btw, sorry the pictures are so grainy, I can't find my camera so I'm taking pictures with my camcorder now.

You can see the humidity that the sun is trying to scorch through. It was an epic war between the heat and the humidity... I'm still not sure which won.

the shirt I'm wearing is called an ACS (advanced combat shirt) it's supposed to be more comfortable to wear under body armor (IOTV) but it's some sort of spandexy thing with pretty thick sleeves, so it was a BIG bistake to wear on that particular mission. I was a bit on the smelly side.

I actually did get a few minutes of sleep.

Our accomodations...

I wanted to put a video up to see how it would work. This is an example of what can go wrong on a mission... I wish I could say that stuff doesn't go wrong on most of them, but this one was particularly bad. We're laying on the back of a flatbed and as you can probably see we hadn't slept much in a while. Also it was unbelievably hot and muggy. So even at 5 am like it was we were dripping sweat. Also we didn't get to sleep till about 10 am, so we were out there in the sun that whole time... fun! Sorry for the angle.

A little introspection

I thought it might be good to post a small piece of an email I sent to my brother-in-law about some of my thoughts on the war and being here. Hopefully you will be able to understand the context without having read the email I was responding to. So without futher ado... "I will have to agree with you that it seems the war here is a bit misdirected at the moment. Although I have to admit I have not found a way to either agree or disagree with an inanimate object. I'm feel confident that someone of your caliber could find a way to do it, if it could be done. As far as courage goes... There has never been a moment that I have felt myself quaking with fear of any kind, but I think it has far more to do with my pragmatic nature than any sort of personal courage. Sometimes I will be cruising down the road in an MRAP and we'll pass through an underpass or a stalled vehicle or some such danger and I will find my muscles tensing in anticipation of... I don't know, the unknown. But I have yet to prove my courage because I have yet to feel fear. What I do feel is that I am a man with a really good life who is wasting a year of it in a country which by rights shouldn't have a single living thing other than the occasional lizard. And worse I am forced to pretend to fight a fake war. Did you know we can't even have sovereign convoys anymore? Vehicles are allowed to pass us and even mix in our convoys. Of course, that's safe though... I mean who ever heard of a jihadist with a drivers liscense? Well, just fyi, if I do buy the farm here I'm sure that will be why. Also, I should tell you that I joined the army for the money, plain and simple, so there's really nothing noble or courageous going on here at all. Nonetheless, I really do appreciate your sentiment. It means a lot when people recognize that it is a really big sacrifice (whether or not one of choice)."
In order to keep this blog a lot shorter than normal I won't add much right now. I'm doing great as can be. Right now I'm waiting to leave on a mission that got pushed back a couple days. It gives me a bit of a break to catch up on some emails and letters that I need to write. Speaking of which, email is GREAT, but if any of you ever feel like actually writing me a letter, those are infinely more personal and I will certainly try to respond in like form. I also intend to post a few more pictures soon.
I hope everyone is great! Let me know sometime.
P.S. If you're planning to enter a boys name into our contest and you haven't already you might want to get on it at some point. Just a reminder :-).